| #180: Who Packed Your Parachute? |
Excerpt from Aim for the Heart by Tom Mathews
As a leader, do you honor and appreciate the power of WE? Do you stop to thank and recognize the members of your team? Do you consistently show an attitude of gratitude?
I recently read a great story about Captain Charles Plumb, a graduate from the Naval Academy, whose plane, after 74 successful combat missions over North Vietnam, was shot down. He parachuted to safety, but was captured, tortured and spent 2,103 days in a small box-like cell.
After surviving the ordeal, Captain Plumb received the Silver Star, Bronze Star, the Legion of Merit and two Purple Hearts, and returned to America and spoke to many groups about his experience and how it compared to the challenges of everyday life.
Shortly after coming home, Charlie and his wife were sitting in a restaurant. A man rose from a nearby table, walked over and said, "You're Plumb! You flew jet fighters in Vietnam from the aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. You were shot down!"
Surprised that he was recognized, Charlie responded, "How in the world did you know that?" The man replied, "I packed your parachute." Charlie looked up with surprise. The man pumped his hand, gave a thumbs-up, and said, "I guess it worked!"
Charlie stood to shake the man's hand, and assured him, "It most certainly did work. If it had not worked, I would not be here today."
Charlie could not sleep that night, thinking about the man. He wondered if he might have seen him and not even said, "Good morning, how are you?" He thought of the many hours the sailor had spent bending over a long wooden table in the bottom of the ship, carefully folding the silks and weaving the shrouds of each chute, each time holding in his hands the fate of someone he didn't know.
Plumb then began to realize that along with the physical parachute, he needed mental, emotional and spiritual parachutes. He had called on all these supports during his long and painful ordeal.
As a leader, how many times a day, a week, a month, do we pass up the opportunity to thank those people in our organization who are "packing our parachutes?"
____
Opportunities to express our thanks abound every day. We avail of the facilities and services of so many people from morning to night, many of us do not even give eye contact to the bus conductor meticulously handing over our ticket and balance money, or to the helper who picks up the empty coffee cup from the meeting room. Why do support group staff in most organizations say theirs is a "thankless job"?
The importance of cultivating an attitude of gratitude has been touched upon here before. Say “Thank you” generously, every time, to everyone. It relieves stress, gladdens hearts and generally does some magic to our circumstances. Try it.
| #179 |
#179-1. Hard work spotlights the character of people: some turn up their sleeves, some turn up their noses, and some don't turn up at all.
-Sam Ewig
#179-2. A lot of our 'busy-ness' is a way for us to avoid thinking about what is most important.
-Kristen Lippincott
#179-3. The more talented somebody is, the less they need the props.
-Hugh Macleod
_____
The first one means, in order to build our character, we should gravitate towards situations requiring a struggle. I have many times experienced a discovery of my own strengths after facing a difficult period. Sometimes previously unknown weaknesses also become evident. Both are useful.
The second one resonates with me. We all practice degrees of mental laziness. One might avoid dwelling on aspects of health or family, instead plunging into work. When facing a setback I might concentrate on detailed criticism of others rather than asking what I could do better.
It is said that talent alone is not sufficient, but that is the subject of other i-TFTDs. One can use the third to assess one's progress. How often do I feel the need for extraneous support for my success, how many times do I rely on prayer (by itself, not necessarily a bad thing), how much do I attribute events to luck?
| #178: Are You a Good Boss or Bad Boss? |
Good Boss, Bad Boss. Which Are You?
By PAUL B. BROWN
Published: January 8, 2008
The New York Times
Maybe it is not them. If employee turnover and absenteeism within the company are too high, and productivity and morale too low, the person in charge may be the one at fault.
To find out how good — or bad — a boss you are, the National Federation of Independent Business, a small business advocacy group, suggests asking yourself these questions:
1. Have you ever publicly criticized an employee?
2. Do you take credit for your employees’ work?
3. Do your employees fear you?
4. Do you expect employees to do what you tell them without question?
5. Do you believe employees should know what to do without you telling them or providing guidelines?
6. Are you a yeller?
7. Do you demean employees as a form of punishment?
8. Do you play favorites?
9. Do you hate delegating?
10. Do you check everyone’s work?
According to the answer key, the more “yes” answers, the greater the likelihood you are a bad boss.
A SHORT CHECKLIST
Given that Trevor Gay wrote a book called “Simplicity Is the Key” — published in Britain by Kingsham Press in 2004 — it is not surprising that he has come up with a basic list of the differences between good and bad bosses.
In his 35 years of work (in the health care industry), Mr. Gay said he discovered that his best bosses had these attributes:
-Inspired confidence
-Were humble
-Had integrity
-Knew what they were talking about
-Let me get on with things
-Were always there when I needed help
-Usually said, ‘Yes, try it.’
His worst bosses, he said, had these deficiencies:
-Never seemed to be around when I needed them
-Always asked me to justify what I wanted to do
-Always wanted to know what I was doing
-Often said ‘no, we can’t do that’
-Gave the impression of being distrustful
-Didn’t smile much
-Talked about themselves a lot.
HOW TO BE A BAD BOSS
Paul Lemberg, an executive coach, has compiled a list of ways weak bosses can hinder an employee’s performance.
His advice to those bosses is to "stop immediately," if they are doing any of the following:
-You don't give employees a clear and compelling company direction. When people align themselves with the company’s goals, they are free to invent, to improvise, to innovate, to inspire each other.
-You say important things only once. If the message is important, it is worth repeating.
-You don’t hold employees accountable.
-You concentrate on trying to improve employees’ shortcomings. “Bad bosses waste too much energy on employee makeovers. Don’t worry about weaknesses — instead, figure out what employees are really good at and train them to be brilliant.”
TAKE THE QUIZ
Working America, which is affiliated with the A.F.L.-C.I.O., writes on its Web site that it works “against wrong-headed priorities favoring the rich and corporate special interests over America’s well-being.”
That apparently does not keep them from having a sense of humor.
The organization has created a 10-question quiz to help employees figure how bad their boss is.
The quiz presents a situation and then asks if it sounds “like something your boss would do.”
For example, “someone in your family has died unexpectedly,” it says. “You are devastated, but feel touched when your normally cheap boss sends flowers to the funeral. The next month you find out your boss has taken the money for flowers out of your paycheck.”
The Web site says questions like this one are based on real events.
LAST CALL
Writing in Inc., Leigh Buchanan offers several signs to bosses that their employees probably hate them. These are our two favorites:
“You never see people walk by. Employees would rather circumnavigate the entire office to get to the coffee machine or bathroom than take the shortcut past your door and risk being invited in.”
Employees do not volunteer for the boss’s pet projects. It could be because the idea is bad, and they are afraid to say that. Or the idea may be good, but they are petrified of what will happen if they let the boss down. Or since it is the boss’s pet project, he will probably work on it as well. “Which means more time spent ...gulp ...with you.”
_____
Nothing left to add. Glad to notice that the strengths-based approach is appearing in the mainstream press.| #177 |
#177-1. People don't resist change. They resist being changed!
-Peter Senge
#177-2. Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.
-Theodore Roosevelt
#177-3. You can only lead others where you yourself are prepared to go.
-Lachlan McLean
____
It is said that the fashion industry and product designers in general, introduce apparently new ideas while carefully maintaining continuity with the old and familiar because people often say they want change but do not like real change. Peter Senge is the guru who coined "The Learning Organization".
The third one is about "leading from the front". Unfortunately we see exceptions in society where cult leaders are able to lead others to self-destruction and mass destruction while they hide in safety.
The words of American President Roosevelt, who was responsible for the creation of "Teddy Bear", can be interpreted in different ways. If you have a big stick to wield, its power is maximum when it is not actually used but it is available and accompanies soft speaking.
| #176: The Cure for Procrastination |
by Earl Nightingale
Have you ever noticed that the longer you look at something you should be doing, the more difficult it seems to appear? That the longer you put off something you should do, the more difficult it is to get started?
A good deal of frustration and unhappiness could be avoided if people would just do what they know they should do.
The great newspaper editor Arthur Brisbane once wrote, "Don't exaggerate your own importance, your own size, or your own miseries. You are an ant in a human anthill. Be a working ant—not a ridiculous insect pitying yourself." Strong language, maybe, but there's a lot of sense in it.
Sometimes it must seem to everyone that things have piled up so high that there's just no way of digging out. But there is. Pick the thing that's most important to do, and simply begin doing it. Just by digging in, you'll feel better, and you'll find that it's not nearly as bad as you thought it would be. Keep at it, and before long, that pile of things to do that seemed so overwhelming is behind you—finished.
What overwhelms us is not the work itself. It's thinking how hard it's going to be. It's seeing it get larger every day. It's putting if off and hoping that somehow, through some miracle, it will disappear.
The Chinese have a saying that a journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single step. And that step accomplishes two things. First, it automatically shortens the distance we still have to travel, and, second, and just as important, it makes us feel better, more hopeful—it strengthens our faith.
If you'll think back, you'll remember that you've always been happiest, most contented, after having finished a difficult project or faced up to a responsibility you were worried about. It's never as bad as you think it's going to be, and the joy that will come with its accomplishment makes it more than worthwhile.
Work never killed anyone. It's worry that does the damage. And the worry would disappear if we'd just settle down and do the work.
_____
I have not met anyone who claims to have never procrastinated. It could be something on the personal front, too busily engaged in work. The antidote is simple and known to us intuitively but we need periodic reminders such as the one above. Here's my resolution for today: I will finish one item from my list of long-pending To Dos before the end of this week. Not too ambitious but a start.| #175 |
#175-1. Careers, like rockets, don't always take off on schedule. The key is to keep working the engines.
-Gary Sinise
#175-2. Learn to pause... or nothing worthwhile will catch up to you.
-Doug King
#175-3. The best careers advice to give to the young is, 'Find out what you like doing best and get someone to pay you for doing it'.
-Katherine Whitehorn
____
The first sounds simple but it is worth remembering that "working the engines" does not include blaming, moaning and whining (doing this regularly would make us what some trainers catchily call the BMW personality).
An occasional thoughtful pause is more productive than the continuous running around that gives the comfortable feeling of action. It even applies to thinking itself. When absorbing new information or ideas, intelligent people are especially prone to quick judgement and conclusions. A pause often uncovers additional nuances.
If you do not consider yourself as part of the young category, learn to like aspects of what you get paid for, learn to increase the proportion of time every week that you spend on activities you really enjoy. These often provide clues to your innate talents and strengths.
| #174 |
#174-1. If you're never scared or embarrassed or hurt, it means you never take any chances.
-Julia Sorel
#174-2. I’ve never been poor, only broke. Being poor is a frame of mind. Being broke is only a temporary situation.
-Mike Todd
#174-3. It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'
-Sam Levenson
____
Learning anything requires taking chances. Children do that a lot and learn rapidly: to walk, talk and everything else.
Being rich is not necessarily about the amount of money. Ask anybody you think is rich—their definition of a rich person would be someone else.
At least one pair of hands—ours—should be working on our cause! Sometimes that is not the case because we are busy wringing them in frustration at not receiving support from others, or using them to point fingers. Recall if there have been situations in your life when someone did not act in the way you expected them to, and you figured out a solution yourself and eventually felt satisfied about your achievement. Maybe the person provided the best possible help by not “helping”.
#173-1. If you look for the bad in people expecting to find it, you surely will.
-Abraham Lincoln
#173-2. Wisdom doesn't automatically come with old age. Nothing does—except wrinkles. It's true, some wines improve with age. But only if the grapes were good in the first place.
-Anon
#173-3. Don't watch the clock; do what it does. Keep going.
-Sam Levenson
____
The converse of the first quote is also true. If we look for the good in people, we will surely find something.
The second might sound negative but one positive way to look at it is, wisdom is not correlated with age so a young person might also come out with a wise suggestion. It also hints that conscious action is necessary—the grapes could be character but it could also be better thinking, good actions and richer exposure.
#172-1. Don't try to stand out from the crowd; avoid crowds altogether. Avoid the Watercooler Gang. -Hugh Macleod
#172-2. Imaginary obstacles are insurmountable. Real ones aren't. But you can't tell the difference when you have no real information. Fear can create even more imaginary obstacles than ignorance can. That's why the smallest step away from speculation and into reality can be an amazing relief. -Barbara Sher
#172-3. Only in growth, reform and change, paradoxically enough, is true security to be found. -Anne Morrow Lindbergh
_____ The first one cautions us to beware of cynicism and mindless conformity ("sheep mentality"). Why are cynicism and conformity so popular - we all do it sometimes, isn't it? They give us a sense of security.
The third one gives the secret of achieving a sense of security—dynamism. The first two sentences of the second quote above are worth pondering. Try this thought experiment: How many of the obstacles (to success, happiness whatever) I perceive today could be imaginary? #171: Problem Solving to Problem Dissolving |
(Excerpted from an article in Artistic Management newsletter)
How do you perceive "Problems" and "Problem Solving"?
For some people a problem is like a "hot potato" that needs to be dropped immediately. For some others, it is little more fragile and precious. For this group of people, solving a problem is like finding the right place and right way to drop it without breaking it. For another set, a problem is like a "piece of muck" on the road that you royally ignore and hurry past towards your desired destination. There is another set of people with warrior-like approach, who treat a problem like a wild animal that needs to be hunted. And, for some who are well-versed with the ways of the "motivational industry" define "problem" as an "opportunity", which sounds great but they have a tough time trying to figure out whether it really means anything.
Whatever be the analogy used, for most people, a problem is an undesired state of turbulence, and problem-solving is the process of taking you out of this state into a more comfortable situation.
There is a fundamental approach with the whole concept of "problem-solving": it assumes a distinct beginning and end of the existence of a problem—when you "solve" a problem, you expect to reach a state which is more comfortable and happier.
Look back and remember the last time you did a real good job of solving a complex problem in your life. What happened next? Was everything really solved? Did you manage to "happily live ever after"? A problem always brings more problems. When you find that VC to fund your start-up, it spawns off a new set of challenges that are more difficult to face. When you find the customer, it opens up a whole new set of problems (delivery, support, keeping customer happy). No matter what problem you solve, if you really do a good job of solving it, it will definitely bring a newer and bigger set of problems.
Now, consider this.
If you look at problems as a hot potato, you will keep getting bigger and hotter potatoes every time you drop one. How many hot potatoes will you drop?
If you look at problems as a muck to be avoided, you will constantly get bigger and stinkier mucks every time you avoid one. How long will you keep avoiding?
If you look at problems as a hunting experience, you will constantly meet more ferocious beasts. How many beasts can you keep slaying?
If you look at problems as an "opportunity"—well nothing much needs to be said about it.
How about looking at problems in this way:
A problem is a situation that you need to get past in order to encounter bigger, better and more desirable problems.
This approach totally changes the way you look at it. There is no end. There is no avoidance. There is no expectation to be comfortable. There is no "happily live ever after". Your whole aim is to get past the present challenge so that you can experience a bigger, better and more desirable challenge.
There is no "problem-solving" here, but "problem-dissolving". You don't try to fix the present situation, but get past one to reach another one to get through.
All our obsessions to learn "problem-solving" arise from the fact that we perceive problems as a threat, and we need something that will immediately kill the threat before it kills us.
That is the reason for all the stress in the corporate world: We have a totally screwed-up approach towards Problems and Problem-Solving.
We need to move from "Problem Solving" to "Problem Dissolving".
(Thanks to Sheenam Ohrie for sharing this.)
____
This is not about how to solve problems but how to live life and work. The key is a shift of perspective, the most important aspect of thinking out-of-the-box and generating creative solutions.
One situation where I see this often in my line of work is when someone aspires to a higher role and perceives hurdles in the form of a boss or a policy or nature of assignment. Discussion reveals that the person's perspective is limited to "solving" the problem by working around the hurdle and reaching the goal of getting a different role. And then? What about the preparation for handling the increased responsibilities, meeting the expectations of a new boss, or the other pressures of the new assignment?
Unfortunately, recent research shows that the human mind is almost incapable of conceiving its future state--we are not good at predicting how we would feel in a projected scenario. Many of these studies are described entertainingly in two books I recently read, "Stumbling on Happiness" by Daniel Gilbert and "The Happiness Hypothesis" by Jonathan Haidt.
| #170: What Are We? |
What Is He?
By D.H. Lawrence
What is he?
-A man, of course.
Yes, but what does he do?
-He lives and is a man.
Oh quite! but he must work. He must have a job of some sort.
-Why?
Because obviously he's not one of the leisured classes.
-I don't know. He has lots of leisure. And he makes quite beautiful chairs.
There you are then! He's a cabinet maker.
-No no!
Anyhow a carpenter and joiner.
-Not at all.
But you said so.
-What did I say?
That he made chairs, and was a joiner and carpenter.
-I said he made chairs, but I did not say he was a carpenter.
All right then, he's just an amateur.
-Perhaps! Would you say a thrush was a professional flautist, or just an amateur?
I'd say it was just a bird.
-And I say he is just a man.
All right! You always did quibble.
(Thanks to Jaideep Mujumdar for sharing this.)
____
Our ability to quickly identify by labeling and compartmentalizing everything can be a barrier to new ideas. We tend to assign a simple category to things, situations and people. Edward de Bono, the world’s leading teacher of thinking, in his recent book, "Why So Stupid: How the Human Race Has Never Really Learned to Think", says that our recognition method of thinking is inadequate in many situations. He blames this on the 'Gang of Three', his name for the most influential originators of Western philosophy—Socrates, Plato and Aristotle.
I was lucky to develop some kind of an aversion to simplistic categorization as a child. This was mainly due to the (misguided) queries on my language or place of origin. Like:
-Your name indicates you are a Tamilian
-Oh, you speak Telugu, you are from Andhra
-You are a South Indian in Mumbai so you cannot read Marathi, or, You are a Mumbaikar so you must be fluent in Marathi
-Your Hindi is good so you cannot be from Mumbai or a South Indian!
Some of you may think such notions are uncommon in today’s age of inter-racial families. Check if some of the below sound familiar.
-She is technically competent, she cannot be a good manager
-He is a fresh graduate, he cannot contribute to solving this problem
-I want to be a software expert so I need not develop my communication and interpersonal skills
-This person sounds genuine but one should never believe a salesperson.
Our brains are hasty pattern matching and labeling machines, we are all classification freaks. I feel better now!
| #169 |
#169-1. Change is inevitable, growth is intentional.
-Glenda Cloud
#169-2. Some of us have great runways already built for us. If you have one, take off! But if you don't have one, realize it is your responsibility to grab a shovel and build one for yourself and for those who will follow after you.
-Amelia Earhart (first woman to fly across the Atlantic)
#169-3. Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.
-Malcolm Forbes
____
This could be correlated with #138: Purposeful Growth. For intentional growth we should busy ourselves working on our future state with respect to our current state, without wasting time comparing with others whose current state could be different from ours.
Also, the study of successful persons in any field shows that they made the best of the cards life dealt them with, without moaning about what cards were missing. This could be correlated with the Strengths Approach we talked about in #82: 3 Tips to Be a Prime Mover, #109: Listen to the Whisper,#100: Only One Move
| #168: Learning from the Dictionary (reprise) |
Some interesting words from wordsmith.org, all avoidable behaviour.
Buggin's turn (BUG-inz turn) noun: Assignment to a position based on seniority or rotation, instead of merit. Also Buggins's turn
misoneism (mis-uh-NEE-izm) noun: A hatred or fear of change or innovation
catachresis (kat-uh-KREE-sis) noun: The misuse of words
____
Many liked i-TFTD #21: Learning from the Dictionary hence this reprise (return to a theme).
I hope I am not indulging in catachresis when I say that we should not encourage promotions based on Buggin's turn, and misoneism should be one of the disqualifying criteria for senior leadership roles.
| #167 |
#167-1. Blowing out someone else's candle doesn't make yours burn any brighter.
-Anon
#167-2. Our scientific power has outrun our spiritual power. We have guided missiles and misguided men.
-Martin Luther King, Jr.
#167-3. All of us have desires
Some small and some tall
We may not have it all together but
Together we can have it all
-Anon
____
Too many people miss opportunities to improve their situation doing things that they can, wasting time instead in spoiling others’ prospects. Lighting someone else’s candle actually makes ours burn brighter.
At least once every decade we see examples of highly educated and economically well-placed people forgetting basic human values in their quest for more money, fame or power.
The antidote to this cannot come from regulation. It has to originate from moral and spiritual sources. That calls for a more inclusive, holistic perspective.
| #166: Tips to Win Any Argument |
How to argue effectively
By Dave Barry (and not by Stuart J. Williams, Attorney at Law)
I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me. You too can win arguments. Simply follow these rules:
Drink liquor: Suppose you are at a party and some hotshot intellectual is expounding on the economy of Peru, a subject you know nothing about. If you're drinking some health-fanatic drink like grapefruit juice, you'll hang back, afraid to display your ignorance, while the hotshot enthralls your date. But if you drink several large martinis, you'll discover you have STRONG VIEWS about the Peruvian economy. You'll be a WEALTH of information. You'll argue forcefully, offering searing insights and possibly upsetting furniture. People will be impressed. Some may leave the room.
Make things up: Suppose, in the Peruvian economy argument, you are trying to prove that Peruvians are underpaid, a position you base solely on the fact that YOU are underpaid, and you'll be damned if you're going to let a bunch of Peruvians be better off. DON'T say: "I think Peruvians are underpaid." Say instead: "The average Peruvian's salary in 1981 dollars adjusted for the revised tax base is $1,452.81 per annum, which is $836.07 before the mean gross poverty level."
NOTE: Always make up exact figures. If an opponent asks you where you got your information, make THAT up too. Say: "This information comes from Dr. Hovel T. Moon's study for the Buford Commission published on May 9, 1982. Didn't you read it?" Say this in the same tone of voice you would use to say, "You left your soiled underwear in my bathroom."
Use meaningless but weighty-sounding words and phrases: Memorize this list:
-Let me put it this way -In terms of -Vis-à-vis
-Per se -As it were -Qua
-Ipso facto -Ergo -So to speak
You should also memorize some Latin abbreviations such as "Q.E.D.", "e.g.", and "i.e." These are all short for "I speak Latin, and you don't." Here's how to use these words and phrases.
Suppose you want to say, "Peruvians would like to order appetizers more often, but they don't have enough money." You never win arguments talking like that. But you WILL win if you say, "Let me put it this way. In terms of appetizers vis-a-vis Peruvians qua Peruvians, they would like to order them more often, so to speak, but they do not have enough money per se, as it were. Ergo, ipso facto, case closed. Q.E.D."
Only a fool would challenge that statement.
Use snappy and irrelevant comebacks: You need an arsenal of all-purpose irrelevant phrases to fire back at your opponents when they make valid points. The best are:
-You're begging the question.
-You're being defensive.
-Don't compare apples to oranges.
-What are your parameters?
This last one is especially valuable. Nobody (other than engineers and policy wonks) has the vaguest idea what "parameters" means. Don't forget the classic: YOU'RE SO LINEAR.
Here's how to use your comebacks:
You say: As Abraham Lincoln said in 1873...
Your opponent says: Lincoln died in 1865.
You say: You're begging the question.
You say: Liberians, like most Asians...
Your opponent says: Liberia is in Africa.
You say: You're being defensive.
You say: Since the discovery of the incandescent light bulb...
Your opponent says: The light bulb is an invention.
You say: Well DUH!
Compare your opponent to Adolf Hitler: This is your heavy artillery, for when your opponent is obviously right and you are spectacularly wrong. Bring Hitler up subtly. Say, "That sounds suspiciously like something Adolf Hitler might say," or "You certainly do remind me of Adolf Hitler."
So that's it. You now know how to out-argue anybody. Do not try to pull any of this on people who generally carry weapons.
____
Most of Dave Barry’s articles and books are hilarious. In a similar category of deadly humour masking some biting observations is a recent book by Scott Adams (yes, the Dilbert guy) called, "Stick to Drawing Comics, Monkey Brain!" Any time I feel like cheering myself up or need to take my mind off something, I just pick up that book and before reading 5-6 pages, I would have uncontrollably laughed out aloud. Note that this book is liberally sprinkled with profanity and topics unsuitable for children.| #165 |
#165-1. When your desires are strong enough you will appear to possess superhuman powers to achieve.
-Napoleon Hill
#165-2. Many persons have a wrong idea of what constitutes true happiness. It is not attained through self-gratification but through fidelity to a worthy purpose.
-Helen Keller
#165-3. When one is trying to do something beyond his known powers it is useless to seek the approval of friends. Friends are at their best in moments of defeat.
-Henry Miller
____
When we work to achieve worthy purposes, that is, aims that our conscience clearly tells us are in line with fundamental values (or universal principles or laws as Stephen Covey and Deepak Chopra like to call them), then we are able to discover hidden strengths within ourselves.
At such times friends may support us but we are completely independent of that. We would proceed even if friends oppose us.
| #164 |
#164-1. We do not place our mistakes on our head, the weight may crush us; instead we place them under our feet and use them as a platform to view our horizon.
-Anon
#164-2. Failure is success if we learn from it.
-Malcolm Forbes, publisher (1919–1990)
#164-3. It is one thing to show a man that he is in error, and another to put him in possession of the truth.
-John Locke, philosopher (1632-1704)
____
Everybody knows that mistakes are inevitable and that a mistake is an opportunity for course-correction but this knowledge should reflect in steadily reducing the time we spend in:
- justifying why we made an error
-trying to pin blame on others or circumstances
-analysis prior to beginning the next action
Techniques to identify the real cause of any problem (or mistake) have been popularized by the various quality methodologies but it often degenerates into giving the process a label (root cause analysis or RCA), having a template document and filling it. The purpose of RCA is to identify and implement action steps to prevent future recurrence of the problem or mistake.
Lest we forget the human angle, there are useful and not-so-useful (ego-driven) ways to point out mistakes; the best approach is to educate the person(s) such that they themselves see their folly.
| #163: God's Perfection |
The following story, attributed as a true one narrated by Rabbi Paysach Krohn, illustrates the power of human concern—even in the face of intense competition.
In Brooklyn, New York, Chush is a school that caters to learning-disabled children. Some children remain in Chush for their entire school career, while others can be main-streamed into conventional Jewish schools.
At a Chush fund-raising dinner, the father of a Chush child delivered a speech that would never be forgotten by all who attended.
After extolling the school and its dedicated staff, he cried out, "Where is the perfection in my son Shaya? Everything God does is done with perfection. But my child cannot understand things as other children do. My child cannot remember facts and figures as other children do. Where is God's perfection?"
The audience was shocked by the question, pained by the father's anguish and stilled by the piercing query.
"I believe," the father answered, "that when God brings a child like this into the world, the perfection that He seeks is in the way people react to this child."
He then told the following story about his son Shaya: One afternoon Shaya and his father walked past a park where some boys Shaya knew were playing baseball. Shaya asked, "Do you think they will let me play?" Shaya's father knew that his son was not at all athletic and that most boys would not want him on their team. But Shaya's father understood that if his son was chosen to play it would give him a comfortable sense of belonging.
Shaya's father approached one of the boys in the field and asked if Shaya could play. The boy looked around for guidance from his teammates. Getting none, he took matters into his own hands and said. "We are losing by six runs and the game is in the eighth inning. I guess he can be on our team and we'll try to put him up to bat in the ninth inning." Shaya's father was ecstatic as Shaya smiled broadly. Shaya was told to put on a glove and go out to play short centre field.
In the bottom of the eighth inning, Shaya's team scored a few runs but was still behind by three. In the bottom of the ninth inning, Shaya's team scored again and now with two outs and the bases loaded with the potential winning run on base, Shaya was scheduled to be up. Would the team actually let Shaya bat at this juncture and give away their chance to win the game?
Surprisingly, Shaya was given the bat. Everyone knew that it was all but impossible because Shaya didn't even know how to hold the bat properly, let alone hit with it. However, as Shaya stepped up to the plate, the pitcher moved a few steps to lob the ball in softly so Shaya should at least be able to make contact.
The first pitch came in and Shaya swung clumsily and missed. One of Shaya's teammates came up to Shaya and together they held the bat and faced the pitcher waiting for the next pitch. The pitcher again took a few steps forward to toss the ball softly toward Shaya.
As the pitch came in, Shaya and his teammate swung the bat and together they hit a slow ground ball to the pitcher. The pitcher picked up the soft grounder and could easily have thrown the ball to the first baseman. Shaya would have been out and that would have ended the game. Instead, the pitcher took the ball and threw it on a high arc to right field, far beyond reach of the first baseman.
Everyone started yelling, "Shaya, run to first. Run to first!" Never in his life had Shaya run to first. He scampered down the baseline wide-eyed and startled. By the time he reached first base, the right fielder had the ball. He could have thrown the ball to the second baseman who would tag out Shaya, who was still running. But the right fielder understood what the pitcher's intentions were, so he threw the ball high and far over the third baseman's head. Everyone yelled, "Run to second, run to second."
Shaya ran towards second base as the runners ahead of him deliriously circled the bases towards home. As Shaya reached second base, the opposing shortstop ran to him, turned him in the direction of third base and shouted, "Run to third."
As Shaya rounded third, the boys from both teams ran behind him screaming, "Shaya run home!" Shaya ran home, stepped on home plate and all 18 boys lifted him on their shoulders and made him the hero, as he had just hit a "grand slam" and won the game for his team.
"That day," said the father softly with tears now rolling down his face, "those 18 boys reached their level of God's perfection."
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Somehow, every time I read this story, it brings tears to my eyes and simultaneously makes me feel a sense of hope and even joy.| #162 |
#162-1. What sunshine is to flowers, smiles are to humanity. These are but trifles, to be sure; but, scattered along life's pathway, the good they do is inconceivable.
-Joseph Addison
#162-2. There's beauty all around our paths, if but our watchful eyes can trace it midst familiar things, and through their lowly guise.
-Felicia D. Hemans (1794-1835, British Poet)
#162-3. Abundance is not something we acquire. It is something we tune into.
-Wayne Dyer
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I know you like practical and witty quotes, and most i-TFTDs are of that kind. But i-TFTD is also supposed to provoke new thoughts and inspire so here are two somewhat lyrical ones on smiling and looking for beauty.
The third one might seem abstract to some. Try substituting abundance with happiness, positive vibes, sense of humour, team spirit, help...
| #161: Test of Three |
Keep this in mind the next time you hear or are about to repeat a rumour.
In ancient Greece (469-399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?"
"Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three."
"Test of Three?"
"That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it."
"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed.
Socrates continued, "You may still pass though, because there is a third test—the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..."
"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?"
The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more.
This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem.
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Imagine applying this test to all our conversation, most of what most of us say would not pass and we would lapse into silence. Silence could be Good and Useful.
Those who remain quiet due to lack of confidence should apply the same test of three:
-Am I conveying a true picture by choosing to be silent?
-Am I being good by remaining silent?
-Is my silence useful for me or for others?
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